My perspective has been dizzingly near-sighted. A child with it's nose pressed to the T.V. exhausting it's sight. Staring close, seeing only the minuscule details that the grand picture is lost on the tiny viewer.

Who would have thought my French classes could evoke such revolutionary realizations and awakenings. Niveau 4 with it's "changement de professeurs" so too the style and the approach to the delivery of grammatical structure and vocabulary. I went from dragging my feet through wrist-slitting childish games used to aid in the memorization of useless scripted dialogue one would never use to mind-hurling philosophical discussions of hopes and dreams and how Arabic music makes us feel. This school is schizophrenic with it's teachers and methods. I feel not much different than my 14 year old self and the time I spent the summer visiting my aunt and her bi-polar mental condition.

I really wish teachers didn't insist on trying to make learning fun. I hate these games, these wastes of my time. And then bring in the teacher whose trying to make learning fun AND meaningful. ugh. These last few classes I've been feeling I somehow tripped into career and life-counseling 101. I don't have answers for most of the questions asked, let alone in finding a way to say it in French. Questions pertaining to who we are, who we'd like to be, and things needed to get there. These questions resign me and I usually end up chuckling to myself as I play out in my head the classes response to how I'd really like to answer them. Anyways... I don't even know what provoked this "epiphany" of perspective, but it hit me strongly during class. I am so focused on the tiny details of my life that I'm going nowhere. I have no big picture. And it's only making time go by with no new results in my life. Perhaps I've been waiting for circumstances to direct and change my path. It's sort of what dragged me through 2010. I left the choices to be made by what was happening around me, I was just the ping-pong ball being swatted at by a billion of those little rackets. Now I just feel beat up-and lost in a dark corner under somebodies couch. Most likely to be drooled on by that somebodies cat. ;)