I just want to lie limp for a little bit. An exhausted shell of a balloon, flabby and stretched too much from too much air forced into it. Oh God, I was that tight inflexible balloon unable to stretch more, unable to hold all that was being forced into me. I crashed down crazy-like and am just now finally "getting it" understanding what the hell just happened. How was I able to break, and not just break, but shatter like the glass I had only just touched at work the other day. The most flexible have breaking points; the most seasoned athlete suffers from over-use injuries. That glass at work, all I did was touch it and it exploded everywhere, embedding tiny shards of glass all over me and the restaurant. But how many times was that glass heated and iced before it came to that point where just a touch decimated it. Pressure's a crazy bitch.
I broke; I shattered. I committed hara-kiri publicly disemboweling myself for an end. There was no logic in the choices made, just as there is no rhyme or reason to the balloons hurl-y decent. But I am done with punishing myself. I am done with trying to raise the dead; I am done with explications and painting pictures in the rain with sidewalk chalk. I am done, and I am just going to lie limp for a little bit.
5 comments:
You can lie limp for awhile, you've earned it... just rest, revel in quiet, peace, moments just for yourself, moments to just breathe, to just think "I survived; I went through hell, but I'm alive and breathing"... that's allowed Paige, that should be celebrated. Congrats, you've taken another significant turn in your healing journey. (Not trying to sound condescending) But don't worry if you happen to backtrack at any point. Just savour that you've gotten to this moment where you're recognizing that the explosion/self-destruction is behind you. I'm so proud of you.
Oh, don't punish yourself because you broke a glass.
BTW : I'm going to move to rue aylmer next month. It's expensive to live in downtown. Now I understand why you can't afford furnitures!
haha. you make me laugh so hard. Ya I don't know what I was doing with that and why I allowed to keep it public. We should do something sometime now that we're almost neighbours and you seem to have fun and I don't. Did I mention I finally got light bulbs?
New bulbs? Great! Ah, I'm really glad I don't need to keep those 2 light bulbs for you anymore. You know, it might be dangerous to put them in my suitcase when I move. If they break, I will have to write 2 blogs to make me lie limp for a little bit.
I hope that I can see you again. As recently I watch TV news more often, maybe I can understand a bit your machine-gun-speed English now. I like challenge. :D
Paige my favorite line "Painting pictures in the rain with sidewalk chalk".
I wish I could lay down limp beside you for a while.
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