She thought she had cancer. It was June, or perhaps July of last year. She was in Kingston; she was in the shower. Her hand found a lump under her left armpit just bordering on her breast. She felt blood drain from her face, she could feel herself growing pale. She cried. That feeling, that fear-it is real; be it the cancer diagnosed or not. For that moment all she knew was that there was a lump. And it terrified her.

There were other things. The drastic drop in weight down to 105 lbs, hair falling out in clumps, the simple feel that something was not right. She went to a medical clinic not having been in Kingston long enough to find herself a doctor.

She wore a simple tube dress. Blue with white embroidering covering the whole front. It tied at the waist on the side. She wears it with no bra. She found it in winners along with one of her other favorite dresses, her floor length prison striped halter dress. That one too worn bra-less. They both showcased her thinness. Both perfect for the summer.

Her Doctor was young. She'd joked in her head how he probably hadn't seen a woman's breast let alone perform a breast exam. She made him obviously nervous. It kind of flattered her. He was attractive. He was just a Queens student she`s sure playing Doctor for the clinics patients.

She started out explaining how she felt-off; that she was concerned for her Kidneys as she just finished 6 months worth of highly toxic Retinoids-vitamin A. She told him she found a lump. Now it was his turn for the blood to drain. His dark tousled hair fondly reminded her of Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, he too was a Queens student pursuing his medical degree.

He began to flounder. His new found paleness quickly altered to burning red in his cheeks as he mentioned a breast exam was in order and that he would be the one to do it. It was rather endearing, this nervousness. He quickly excused himself saying he needed to speak to the nurse quickly and would return. He left her for about 45 minutes, she pictured him frantically tearing through his medical books searching for diagrams and the how tos of breast exams, begging God that he would make her fed up and just leave, or perform miracles with his hands to make them simply know what to do. He eventually returned unable to look her in the eye. He fumbled with the blue gloves and asked her to pull down her dress. Oh the poor man. He avoided that breast as if it were a rabid dog ready to bite. He gingerly pressed down the area where one would suppose the rest of the body ends and the breast begins, and stayed to the property of the armpit. He did nothing more. He tore those gloves off so fast and returned to breathing once she had the top of her dress up.

He told her that he was sure she was fine but that he was going to order an Ultra-Sound just to be sure. He also called for a whole wack of blood tests. She went home tired after giving up her blood for scrutiny.

She expected her results quickly, but nothing was volunteered. She had to call only to be told that she was directed by her novice Doctor to the wrong blood clinic and therefore it was going to take longer that it should. They didn't know why they hadn't heard from the Ultra Sound yet. She was on the bus going somewhere, she can`t remember where to exactly, but they had just driven past Phils place of work, so it must have been the Cateraqui Mall but she cant remember why she would be going there. Her cell phone rang and it was the Doctor. He had the results of her blood tests and it showed that she was anemic. He wanted to know for what other reasons she had come into see him. She was forgotten so easily. She mentioned it was mostly for the lump she had under her armpit and was still waiting for the ultra sound results, but also she was concerned about her kidneys. He told her she should come in as he would give her a prescription for iron and also he wanted to perform another breast exam.