I am tempted to get myself completely f&*^ed-up drunk while I pass the next day and night on the train. I am not much of a drinker. I drink socially. Although I must admit, like nearly everything I do, I take social drinking to the extreme as well. I don't usually stop. It's not because I like to get drunk, it's because I am enjoying the social encounter so much I don't like to see it stop. It's a good time. 

There are few things I've decided I'd like to do completely inebriated, more as an experiment of sorts. I've always wondered what would happen if I wrote one of papers completely drunk. Part of me thinks it could go either way with a possibility of awesome genius, I would certainly have more fun with it. There is an aspect of surrendering control when drunk. It's also the reason I tell myself why I seemed to have avoided the inevitable Hofer/Lievers path toward alcoholism so buried deep within my genes. I don't like being out of control-and I'm cheaper, or I guess a more appropriate adjective- frugal, than hell.  

My brother nailed it when he accused me of being a control freak. He probably doesn't even remember telling me that, but it was an 'ahah' moment, one of those moments where fireworks goes off and the world begins to make sense. My initial 'in-my-head' response was rather stupefied, I figured my brother knew me better than that, I'm the one always being controlled, I'm laid back, easy going, always along for the ride. I find my life to be more aptly comparable to a special-needs tornado (i'm picturing a tornado wearing a helmet, who even for a tornado is out of control leaving in it's wake ill-thought-out destruction). I am anything but an organized neat-freak, like my sister-she's the control freak. My 'out-of-control-ness' rings very true, when it regards instances, or activities where someone is taking the lead. But in regards to life, and my personality, being out of control terrifies me. It means I might have to rely on someone other than myself. It isn't about needing things to go perfectly, it is about me not putting someone else out, inconveniencing them with my presence and circumstances. It means not owing someone for something I should have been able to do on my own. It's showing weakness. It's needing help, help which cannot be paid back.

That's another reason this trip seems significant to me. I am not staying in hotels. I have managed to pass the majority of my nights with friends, and couch surfing. Other than Toulouse which I booked on airbnb, which became a friend situation immediately, I am putting people out. People are giving me their home, their time and their life. I can only accept it. 

I passed my first couchsurfing experience in Vienna. It was quite the experience. As I had already missed the wedding, I was feeling a little discouraged, and then trying to orient myself in someone else's house was so unnatural to me... It was an amazing experience though. One which caused MUCH reflection. There were 5 living there. they also had 2 other couch surfers. Daniel was the person who invited me. He not only gave me a place to stay, but he cleared his entire Sunday and showed me Vienna. We drank coffees and ate delicate pastries in between site seeing. We ended a long day of walking with one of my most favourite meal experiences in one of his favourite restaurants/pubs (Although Toulouse was one of my most favorite meal experiences as well..., Actually most things become my most favourite in the end...). It reminded me of grandma Hofer's cooking. We drank beer and schnapps. and went to another pub for another beer. Poor Daniel. I talked non stop. 

But this experience made me wonder what happened to me. Upon arrival I nearly booked a hotel. The situation was intimidating. There were people everywhere, I was unsure if I would be sleeping on the floor or sharing a bed. I felt this was something for my twenties, not my thirties. 

Meh, I'm tired of writing. I think I will go back to my seat. I will perhaps continue later my thoughts on Vienna and Austria and how my first day Vienna seemed like just one big casting call for 'The Sound of Music'.